For the longest time, I have always felt the pressure to find a boyfriend. Through societies standards having a partner must mean that you are beautiful and valued (which is a load of crap). I always struggled with this growing up. All through high school and college and the start of uni, I thought there was something wrong with me as I was never able to get a boyfriend. We are made to believe that being in a relationship will make you happy. I have seen it and heard it through friends who enter relationships saying, “I have never been so happy”. For the longest time, when I was told that, it made me feel like a mutant that I would never be happy the way they are because no one wants to date me. So, I felt I needed to shed some light on how this pressure we all put on ourselves is unnecessary.
Constantly seeing people in relationships and growing up believing, from many Disney films, that the only happily ever after I will ever get is from a man is ludicrous. As I grow up, I realise that being happy as my own person is far more important that craving a relationship to finally find happiness. For a start, most relationships end (sorry to people reading who are in a relationship, don’t worry I won’t put any breakup statistics in to make you panic). The idea of finding a person you will be with forever is very rare, it does happen, but its rare. What we are taught of soul mates and being with one person forever can be damaging. Whether you jump from person to person or are just with one person forever or with no one, what path you choose in terms of romantic relationships is what is good for you. And this blog post is about my growth in my ideas in relationships.
Now I am older, I have realised a lot of things. Firstly, I love being by myself. I love doing what I want to do, watch what I want to watch, do what I want and be who I want. At this point in my life, I don’t think I need a boyfriend, because I am happy with who I am, and I don’t know if I am ready to accommodate my time for a significant other. And hey, maybe that will change very soon, but I don’t think I need to worry about it anymore. Secondly, I don’t worry about what my future looks like anymore. I used to have an ideal life in my mind, with a man and possibly children and then every time something went wrong with boys or feelings, I would get upset that that idea would never happen. But why was I creating a happy ending based on having a guy in the picture? Now my ideal future has me in it…… and that’s about it for now. My friends are there and my family and I have career plans in the ideal future, but that’s it. No man, no Disney-worthy happily ever after. Because my happily ever after starts with me being happy, and I am lucky enough to have found happiness in solitude, which I am very lucky to have. It can be hard when you rely on another person for your happiness, but it is also completely understandable.
This post came a little out of the blue, but I felt it needed to be said. If you are in a relationship you think will last forever, that is so so amazing and don’t think that this post is telling you to be happy alone. If another person makes you happy, your happiness is all that matters. But if you are like me and have found a happiness being just me, myself and I, that is so cool. And I know, you may feel judgment when people ask about partners or ask how many kids you want, but just know, as long as you are happy, that is all that matters and you never need to explain your reason for happiness to anyone.
YOUR life is YOURS to live. Make the choices you want and be who you want to be. Be happy and be unapologetic.